


Xanthophobia

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Category: Trench - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Barebacking, Breeding, Come Swallowing, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love, M/M, Memories, Mild Smut, One True Pairing, Oral Sex, Panic, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Sex, Top Tyler, Tour Bus, Touring, Triggers, True Love, Worry, yellow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:45:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: Tyler develops a phobia to the color yellow.





	Xanthophobia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FlashaftertheCold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashaftertheCold/gifts), [olgushka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/gifts).



> Potential triggers for panic attacks due to phobias.

It starts small.   
  
  
_Butterscotch_  
  
There’s a bowl on the counter. Mark filled it with candies last week. The kind his grandfather used to keep in his pocket. (The kind probably most grandfathers kept in their pockets once upon a time).   
It’s a sunny memory. Summers of bright skies and bumble bees buzzing.   
Fields of bright yellow corn and golden wheat swaying in breezes strong enough to nudge stalks but gentle enough to only caress scorched skin.   
When Mark would visit, it would always be the same.  
Hugs.  
His grandparents telling him “how much he’s grown.”  
His little suitcase safely stowed at the foot of his bed.    
  
Papa would then bend to him, coins appearing like magic right in front of his eyes. His grandfather would pull shiny quarters from behind his ears. One by one they’d appear and he’d place them, warm, into his tiny palm.   
The candies would come next. His grandfather would raise a calloused finger in front of his lips, sea-green eyes wrinkling in laughter.  
He’d beg his silence.   
“Shh…”  
With a wink Papa would fill the front pocket of Mark’s backpack with the creamy sweets. He’d make him promise not to tell Nanny, who was busying herself in the kitchen preparing their lunch.   
  
Butterscotch makes Mark feel rooted. Memories of a happy childhood.  
Butterscotch makes Tyler nervous. He’s not sure why.   
  
Tyler walks past the bowl several times a day, his lungs tightening. A sudden urge to throw them away consumes him but instead he hides the container in one of the drawers.   
When Mark enquires, Tyler merely shrugs.   
“I don’t know. Maybe someone put them away somewhere? Took ‘em? You know Jerry loves his confectionary.”  
The lie burns scarlet in his cheeks.  
  
  
_Dandelion_  
  
Tyler’s reflection stares back at him in the tinted window. A little pleat of a frown forms in the corners of his mouth and his forehead creases with worry.  
He hasn’t been himself lately.   
Josh breaks his meditation by passing him a square of bread.

“So much for fine dining on the road,” he mutters.   
Tyler nods absently and slowly peels back the plastic. It makes a crinkly sound that irritates his ears.  
  
Ham and cheese on whole wheat.  
The cheese. A dandelion yellow peeking from between the bread.  
Tyler’s heart increases pace. It’s barely noticeable at first. Just a lurch.  
  
Tyler takes two hamster bites and decides it tastes like newspaper. He can feel his throat closing up.  
The blood is now roaring in syncopated rhythm in his head.  
He spits the contents into his napkin and despite a trembling hand lands a basket with it into the trash across the bus. 

“Not hungry?” Josh eyes the sandwich. He eyes Tyler more.  
Tyler clutches his tummy. “Not really. Had a big breakfast.”   
It’s another lie. His stomach has been in knots all day.   
  
“Can I have it?”  
Tyler’s face twitches. He doesn’t like to share food. Yet he knows he’s not going to finish this. How can Josh want it?!   
“But I bit into it already...” his voice is uneven. Wavering.  
Josh shrugs and chuckles. Leans in so he can whisper.   
“Ty, I think we’re a little past that. We sleep together. I can handle the germs from a bit sandwich.”

Tyler nods. Almost imperceptible. He slides it in Josh’s direction with a long index finger.   
“Knock yourself out.”  
  
  
_Daffodil_  
  
The tip of Josh’s tongue protrudes briefly between his teeth. He wets his lips with it.  
“Oh Jesus Ty…”  
Tyler moves, his long neck curved upwards like he’s about to take wing. He glances up through half-closed lids, almost shyly.  
“More Ty, _please_ ,” Josh beseeches in a broken voice.  
  
Tyler smiles around the glistening width with throbbing lips.  
He sucks avidly. Josh writhes.   
Tyler removes himself from Josh’s slick cock so he can confess.  
“I want you, Joshie.”  
  
Tyler drags the name through the air like he would a helium balloon. The “shie” offers resistance.  Tyler’s mouth swallows it.  
Then he swallows Josh’s cum.  
“Oh Jesus Tyler… “ Josh drops his chin on his chest with a low grunt of pleasure.  
Tyler smacks moist ruby lips.  
“I want you Joshie.”  
  
Josh gasps as bare chest meets bare chest. Tyler feels him shudder beneath as he draws in a sharp breath.  
The crinkle of foil. The sound irritates his ears.  
Tyler looks down, eyes widening in the dim light.  
  
Trojan Ultra Ribbed Ecstasy condoms. _Feels like nothing’s there._  
  
Except it’s a lie. Tyler _can_ feel it. Jesus, it’s like his dick is being pitilessly constricted!  
Is it starting to burn?!  
  
Chest heaving, his heart fights for space. He’s suddenly light-headed.  
  
“Joshie… Joshie… I can’t. I can’t with this.”  
Josh opens his eyes, face softening when he notices Tyler’s stricken expression.  
There’s a snap. A flick of the wrist. A plop.  
Tyler exhales in relief.  
  
A warm hand rubs Tyler’s lower back. “It’s okay, Ty. It’s okay. I trust you. We don’t need it.”  
  
Their lips meet in a gentle, drugging kiss. Tyler’s flushed cheek grazes Josh’s jaw.  
“Okay Joshie. Thank you. Thank you.”  
The last _you_ is a breath against Josh’s ear, tender and light as a breeze. Almost a tingle.  
  
He doesn’t hesitate. Josh expects it.   
Tyler inserts his heat with enough force to drive the breath out of Josh’s body.  
Josh gasps in sweet agony. "Oh Jesus... "  
Words drop like prayers.   
Tyler groans into prickled skin. “I love you Joshie. I love you.”  
  
Kitten licks. Tiny nips on scalding flesh.  
Bodies struggle with each other. Not against.  
The room fills with fever and the air with long, surrendering moans.  
Boys’ eyes lock.  
Chocolate meets cinnamon.  
  
Josh nibbles on Tyler’s downy lip.  
Tyler forgets right from left.  
They release in unison, stickiness and salt within and without.  
  
Tyler collapses onto Josh, whispering his affection in ragged breaths. Josh holds him fast, the rapping hard against his ribs.  
“I’m sorry, Joshie.” Tyler apologizes for nothing.  
“It’s okay, Ty. You did nothing wrong.”  
  
Josh tilts his head to one side. The nightstand is truth.  
It finally dawns on Josh.  
Trojan. The box is yellow. The wrapper is yellow. The condom is yellow.  
  


_Pineapple_  
  
Catering must be insane, Tyler thinks.  
Bananas.  
Golden delicious apples.  
Cut pineapple.  
“What were they thinking?!”  
  
Josh now knows. He’s watching. His dark eyebrows draw together in anguish.  
_This is bad._  
  
Tyler stands across the room. Hands at his side in fists.  
He does nothing but fixate the long table.  
  
“Get it out of here, Josh. Please. _All of it_.” The request is raspy. He struggles for breath through a swollen, half-closed throat.  
Joshua forces a nod of agreement. Asks security to give the fruit to the clikkies at the barrier.  
_I don’t know how to help him._  
  


_Chlorine gas_  
  
It’s worse now. Much worse.  
Tyler can’t stand out in the sun.  
Daisies make him sweat profusely.  
Gold burns his skin.  
Honey literally chokes him.  
  
Tyler can barely stand the idea of peeing. He doesn’t look down anymore.  
Looks straight ahead. Flushes with eyes shut and heart thrumming.  
  
The hoodie. The tape. The fruit.  
“I want it all gone, Mark. I can’t. I just can’t.” The quiver in his voice matches the tremble in his limbs.  
  
Josh’s posture is limp, as if his bones are suddenly dissolving. Mark looks at him, exactly the opposite. Every muscle rigid.  
  
“Tyler, this is kind of a big deal. I mean it’s one thing to get rid of a banana… this is the theme we’re talking about. Trench IS yellow, I mean- “  
  
A venomous look spears Mark. Josh winces for him. Tyler holds their gaze a moment.  
Nostrils flare. Ty looks away without a word.  
They stare at his back in silence.   
  
Josh inches forward but Mark pulls him by his shirt. Shakes his head no.  
“Ty?”  
Tyler doesn’t turn around. He speaks to the floor.   
“I want it all gone. All of it. Get the Blurryface shit here. Whatever. I don’t care.”  
  
The gap in time is filled by a ticking clock and three men breathing like they're drowning.  
  
“Tyler… we need to talk. I think-“ Mark interjects. Hand outstretched.  
“WE think –“ Josh tries. Fails.   
  
Tyler stiffens. Swings around to face them.  
Eyes narrow to crinkled slits.  
“YOU THINK WHAT?! I’M the singer. I’M the fucking band! I DECIDE!”  
  


_Trench_  
  
Yellow is no more. Tyler wears an orange beanie now.  
Joshua wears green. Red. Orange. Whatever is handy.  
  
The confetti cannons vomit blood or snow or leaves.  
The lights are set either high or low on the spectrum.  
  
The clique wonders. Wonders why everything is different, and in the middle of the tour no less.  
The yellow tape. It’s orange now.  
The merch. All orange.  
  
Social media all but breaks with theories and rumors.  
The reason is much simpler than anything they come up with.  
  
-   
  
Tyler sits on the sofa, dark head cradled in his sweaty palms. Josh hums sweet nothings. Low, comforting.  
He rubs a circle gently, lovingly into the center of Tyler’s back. It's failing to calm his breathing.  
  
“I need help, Josh. I need help.”  
  
Watery eyes blink. Long lashes flutter. Josh sucks in one corner of his pouty lip. Pushes the agony down, deep.  
This isn’t the time for despair. This isn’t helping. Most importantly this isn’t about him.  
“I know, Ty. I know.” It’s barely a whisper.  
  
Tyler weeps. Sobs. Relaxes into his lover’s strong embrace as he finally lets go.  
“I love you, Josh. I love you. Don’t leave me. I know I’m sick but don’t leave me. _Please…_ ”  
  
Whimpers alternate with moans.  
A glazed look of frightened despair spreads over Josh’s face.  
The emotions lodge in his throat. Tear him up.   
_Dear God what is happening?_  
  
“I’ll never leave, Ty. Never. How can I leave my heart? Where would I go without half my soul?"  Wherever Tyler is, that is where Josh's soul dwells.   
  
Tyler sighs into him. Clutches at his shirt with desperate need. Longing for relief.   
Josh tries not to die a little inside.   
"We’ll get through this together, Ty Ty. We’ll get through this. We're stronger together. If need be, I'll be strong enough for the both of us. You're my life, Ty. My life.”  
"I love you, Josh."   
There's nothing else to say.   
  
The next day, they cancel the tour. Josh helps Tyler pack. Drives them home to Ohio.   
  
The healing begins on a sunny day. Tyler's therapist's name is Amarillo.  
The irony is not lost on Tyler. For the first time in months he's able to laugh.  
Josh laughs with him. Holds his hand. Sits at his side.   
Josh will always be at his side, no matter what.   
  
True love doesn't see color. Doesn't recognize expression. But if it did... it'd be the color of Josh Dun's eyes when he looks at Tyler.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm slowly coming out of a terrible writer's block. The idea came to me from the color thesaurus and my own personal distaste for anything yellow.  
> A gift to two of my favorite TOP writers. xxoo   
> As usual these bois will be the death of me. 
> 
> Hope you liked this! (insert shameless plug for kudos and comments here because they help so much). :D


End file.
